Comedy
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The Wrong Wing
Lean in a little closer. See that guy across the street? That’s Hank. He’s currently watering his driveway. Not the grass, mind you. The actual concrete. He does it every Tuesday at four. He thinks he’s just a retired guy with a hobby. But I know the truth about the fellow who used to follow…
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The Debt of the Paper Clip
I know the price of a soul. In the deep markets, a soul goes for three drops of honest regret or a single night of perfect silence. Everything has a tag. Everything is a trade. But here in Kearney, Nebraska, the math is all wrong. My name is Sutton. Back home, I was a merchant…
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The Sound of a Broken Shadow
I crouched in the crawl space: my knees clicking like dry sticks. This house was a trap. It was not a trap of spikes or pits. It was a trap of soft colors and clean lines. My name is Arlo. I am a Level Three Shadow. In my world: you scare or you die. If…
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The Weight of the Winning Ticket
I don’t trust chairs. A chair is just a four-legged trap waiting for a structural failure. Most people sit down without thinking. They trust the wood. They trust the screws. I don’t. I check the bolts. I calculate the load-bearing capacity. I am a man of the bunker: even when I am just filing insurance…
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The Weight of the Cold Stone Kitchen
Sit down and shut up. If you want a drink, you listen to the story. This isn’t some fairy tale with a happy ending and a magic bird. This is about Gus. Gus was a guy who worked for the wrong people because he had a face like a smashed potato and the social skills…
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The Rust and the Glory
Mona wanted to be the kind of person who made children cry. That was her goal. She spent four hundred dollars on a black leather suit that squeaked every time she breathed: which really ruined the scary vibe she was going for. She sat at my bar every night: clutching a glass of cheap rye…
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The Auditor’s Accidental Halo
Darling, you have never seen a mess quite like this one. Imagine the most boring man in the world. Now, give him a polyester suit that smells like wet dog and a job looking at tax forms. That was Victor. He was so sad that even his shadow looked like it wanted to leave him.…
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The Ink and the Ash
I was supposed to be the guy who brought the screaming. That was my whole deal. My name is Sy, and in the lower circles, I am what you call a soul-harvester. I am not the big boss. I do not have the giant wings or the cool crown. I have a clip-on tie and…
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The Static in the Xerox
Vince was the kind of man who wore a clip-on tie because he was afraid of being strangled by his own success. He worked in a cubicle that smelled like old yogurt and desperation. His only real passion was finding a way to rob the insurance company that paid his rent. He spent his lunch…
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The Red Button Jubilee
I want you to picture a basement. Not a basement with a washer and a dryer. Not a basement with a fuzzy rug and a TV. No, friends, I want you to picture a basement that goes on for a thousand miles. It is a place of filing cabinets. It is a place of gray…