Look, I am telling you this because Maury says you can keep a secret, and because if I do not say it out loud, my brain is going to pop like a balloon. You see my hands shaking? That is not from the coffee. That is from the cat.
My name is Cade. On paper, I am a freelance consultant for a security firm. In reality, I am a hitman with a very big problem: I hate the sight of blood. It makes me lightheaded. I once fainted during a job because the target had a nosebleed. My boss told me to go deep undercover in the suburbs to cool off before I got myself killed. I needed to be invisible. I needed to be the most boring guy on the block. That is why I joined the Oak Creek Homeowners Association.
The meeting was in Maury’s basement. It smelled like damp laundry and cheap crackers. There were six of us sitting in folding chairs that groaned every time someone shifted. Maury stood at the front, pointing a laser at a blurry photo.
“The Subject,” Maury whispered. He sounded like he was talking about a ghost. “It has been seen near the bird feeders. It has been seen on the Lu family’s porch. It does not meow. It just… stares.”
The photo showed a cat. It was a ginger tabby with one notched ear. It looked like any other stray, but something in its eyes made my skin prickle. It was the same look the big bosses give you right before they decide you are a liability.
“We need a volunteer to trap it,” Maury said. “Lu tried, but she said the trap just turned into a pile of confetti when she looked away.”
I raised my hand. I thought it would be easy. I thought catching a cat would prove I was a tough guy again. I was wrong. I was so wrong it hurts my teeth to think about it.
I tracked the cat to the woods behind the playground. I brought my silencer, just in case. I did not want to kill it, really. I just wanted to scare it into a cage. I found him sitting on a mossy rock. He was not licking his paws. He was sitting perfectly still, staring at a small, floating blue light that hummed like a microwave.
“Hey, kitty,” I said. My voice cracked. “Time to go.”
The cat turned its head. It did not hiss. It opened its mouth and a sound came out that was not a meow. It was the sound of a thousand people screaming in a canyon, but muffled, like it was coming from underwater. The blue light zipped into the cat’s collar. Except, he was not wearing a collar. The light just sank into his fur.
I pulled my piece. My palms were sweating so bad the grip felt like a wet bar of soap. “Stay back,” I warned.
The cat stood up. He did not walk like a cat. His legs moved in a weird, clicking rhythm, like a clock being wound too tight. He looked at me, and I felt a coldness in my chest that started at my ribs and crawled up to my throat. I saw things in his eyes. I saw the birth of stars. I saw the end of the world. I saw my own middle school graduation. It was all the same to him.
“Subject 402,” the cat said. The voice did not come from his mouth. It vibrated inside my own skull. “Cade. Profession: Failed Assassin. Current Status: Pathetic.”
I dropped my gun. It hit the dirt with a thud that felt like a heart stopping. “What are you?”
“I am a Scout,” the cat replied. He started grooming his notched ear with a tongue that looked like it was made of silver needles. “Your neighborhood is a pocket of extreme mediocrity. My masters wanted to know why humans choose to live in beige boxes and argue about the height of grass. I have been recording your secrets. Maury steals mail. Lu is tax dodging. And you… you are a killer who cries at the sight of a steak.”
The cat walked toward me. Every step made the ground ripple like water. I backed up until I hit a tree. My heart was thumping like a trapped bird against my ribs. I felt tiny. I felt like an ant under a heavy boot.
“What are you going to do?” I choked out.
“Nothing,” the cat said. He sat on my shoe. He felt heavy, like he was made of lead. “I am going to finish my report. Then, my masters will decide if this neighborhood is worth keeping, or if we should just scrub it clean and start over. You humans are so loud. You make so much noise for things that do not matter.”
The cat looked up at me. His pupils expanded until his eyes were just two black holes. I felt my soul being tugged toward them. I felt like I was being erased. I wanted to scream, but my throat was tight, like a fist was squeezing it.
“Go back to your meeting, Cade,” the cat whispered in my brain. “Tell them the cat is gone. Try to be interesting. It might save your life.”
He vanished. One second he was sitting on my foot, the next there was just a faint smell of ozone and wet fur.
I ran. I ran until my lungs burned like I had swallowed hot coals. I got back to Maury’s basement. They were all looking at me, waiting for the news. Maury had a cookie in his hand. Lu was checking her watch. They looked so small. They looked like paper dolls.
“Did you get him?” Maury asked.
I looked at them. I thought about the silver needles and the blue light. I thought about the black holes in the cat’s eyes. My skin felt too tight for my body.
“He’s gone,” I said. My voice was a ghostly thin rasp. “But we should probably mow our lawns. We should really, really make sure the grass is the right height.”
That was three days ago. I haven’t slept. Every time I close my eyes, I see that notched ear. Every time I hear a floorboard creak, I think it is the clicking of his legs.
Look at the fence, neighbor. Over there, by the ivy. Do you see those two green sparks? He is watching us right now. He is listening to every word. And I think he thinks your lawn is a little too long.
Do not look at him. Whatever you do, do not look at his eyes. Just keep talking about the weather. Act like we matter. Please, for the love of everything, just act like we matter.